thoughtlessthought

A TIME TO REMEMBER

Tears...even now. The last couple of days...people noticing...the lupins in the wind...some say its you waving. The squirrels...their presence...supervising me as I repair a deck you built over thirty years ago...guiding me... to be patient, hmmm was that you?

You hadn't smoked in over 35 years but the damage was done, both lungs...I remember the doctors were so amazed that your heart was so incredibly strong... Of course your brain needed you to be able to breathe and you no longer could even though your heart kept trying oh so very hard to keep you. Mum and I held your hands as your chest made its last made its last valiant effort for life...but instead closed the door on your pain and opened the door to your peace. That picture is so vivid in my head...and I remember the sounds...so clearly...a very large breath in as if to signal something ... as this breath was quite different than your others, I leaned over to tell you that...its okay...and ...we love you...and then ...your last breath out ... the sound, its so...........it reminded me exactly of an old steam engine locomotive that had just completed a long journey and made its final stop at the station ...the sound of that last puff of steam from the stack...then stillness. The Moment!


Hey what do you know... the birds are at the feeder and I can see them from my window and there's a yellow one, a finch I think, remember???

3 years today, gee!

Oh and Dad ...these tears are called "Happy Memory Tears" and yeah, I miss you!

PS: I will be performing in a Shakespeare play, haha ...yeah I know, I didn't either...but life goes on!

PSS: SHE FINALLY POOPED IN HER POTTY!!!!!!!

Well here goes. I find lately that I am really needing to get out of the house. I have been to Workaoke the last two Friday nights and really have been enjoying it. This last Friday night was particularly nice as I tried some songs that I hadn't before or if I had it was ages ago. I also really enjoyed chatting with people I have seen before but admittingly felt a little awkward in starting conversation with in the past. Not any one reason ... I guess I just feel like I have a hard time being or feeling social or maybe its that I forget how to comfortably interact in a situation where I am just meeting people for what I feel is like the first time. Anyway I shared a lot of laughs and had fun singing. So it was very nice indeed.

I have to admit I am getting somewhat frustrated with this potty training thing. No not training for me ... But my little girl. She is doing pretty well with having a pee in her potty all by herself even. But as far as poopies go aahhhhggghhhh! It almost seems like she wasn't really aware of them so much when she poohs in her diaper but when she makes a poopie mistake in her underwear its like some kind of poisonous critter in her pants that she is wildly and impatiently trying to kick her way out of as I have her clothes almost off. This was quite a scene one time when her underwear wasn't quite off and she started kicking wildly. IT literally would have hit the fan had there been one in the room cause it sure seemed to hit every thing else. So as it stands there have been "no" ...I stress NO poopies in her potty yet!!!

You won't believe this. As I type this my little girl decided it was time for a pee mistake while sitting on my lap...I think she knows how to read...I gotta go...byebye.

It has been a month and a day since my last post. Thought I'd better update so I will I promise.